A Sin of Desperation
I cried today, after ten years. It wasn’t intentional, it just happened. My mother called, I was happy. She called me for the first time after kicking me out of the house ten years back.
I am still trying to figure out why she did that to me. The cruelty of my family is still an enigma. I was 19 years old, preparing for college. I wanted to become a writer. Our family wasn’t financially well off so we all had to work. I used to work in a garage. My mother was running a shop. My brother used to do whatever he got his hands on.
My brother and I had different fathers, his father died. And mine never cared to know about me. Maybe that’s why she loved him more than me. He was a gift from the love of her life while I was a mistake…a sin of desperation.
The situation was not ideal yet I wasn’t resentful. I had no time to lament over the unfairness of existence. I was busy working, writing, and dreaming. Dreaming to study literature and become a novelist. I had applied for a few scholarships and was waiting nervously for a positive reply. After many rejections, I finally got a letter of acceptance with a seventy percent scholarship. Something my family could afford. I rushed to tell my mother and brother and spilled my excitement. The more I spoke, the more their colors faded. I sensed the peculiar energy and asked about it. My mother told me that she took money from my college fund and gave it to her favorite son for his law school tuition fee. She had no hesitation, no remorse talking about it. My brother was trying to justify their acts by telling me that a lawyer is better for our family than a writer. This pushed me over the edge. With all my strength, I punched him in the face. He fell on the nearby stairs. My mother shouted in anger. I did not care. My dream was ruined by my own family. I took a vase and threw it on the television. My mother grabbed my collar and pushed me out of the front door. All the injustice that I suffered because of my father, mother, and brother flashed in front of my eyes at that point. It was almost midnight, I was sitting on our school’s soccer ground where I used to think about all the new ideas and stories. Shocked by the sudden realization of the pathetic reality of my life…I cried.
In the next ten years, from being homeless and broke to being a best-selling author. I never shed a tear, until today when my mother called. Initially, I was overwhelmed with joy. My family was finally accepting me. Maybe they read my books, maybe they are proud of me. So many emotions…all of a sudden. My eyes were fighting the tears to stay in but they came out. They came out not with joy but sadness, sorrow, and disgust when my mother said that she wanted my help for her favorite son. My lawyer brother, was now facing charges of fraud. And my dear mama wanted me to pay for his atonement. I thought I would never help him but then I realized that he is firstly my culprit and then the state’s. I should be the one to punish both of them before the state. So I agreed to help…
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